How to Find Your Core Values: A Step-by-Step Exercise and List of Personal Values

Ever said yes to something and felt uneasy about it for days afterward? Or made a choice that looked completely sensible on paper but felt wrong in your gut? Or found yourself feeling flat and restless even though everything in your life is technically "fine"?

Often, that's a values clash: a gap between how you're living and what matters most to you. Knowing your core values is like having a compass. It doesn't tell you exactly where to go, but it helps you tell when you're heading in the right direction. And it makes so many decisions, big and small, a whole lot clearer.

This guide explains what values are, why they matter, and walks you through a simple exercise to discover yours. Grab a pen. It's one of the most worthwhile 20 minutes you'll spend this year.

What are core values?

Values are the things that matter most to you about how you live and who you want to be. Honesty. Family. Adventure. Learning. Faith. Kindness. Independence. Creativity. Fairness.

They're different from goals:

A goal is something you can finish, like running a 5K, buying a house or getting a promotion.
A value is a direction you keep heading in, like taking care of your health, being a loving parent or living adventurously.

You never "complete" a value. You just choose to move toward it, or away from it, every single day. Psychologists often compare values to heading west: you can keep traveling west forever, but you never arrive at "West."

Why knowing your values matters for wellness

Spiritual wellness isn't only about religion. It's about meaning, purpose and living in a way that fits who you are. Values are the core of that.

Values and therapy

Therapists use values work in approaches like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), developed by psychologist Steven Hayes and colleagues. ACT has research support for anxiety, depression, chronic pain and more. The core idea: when hard feelings show up, you can still choose actions that line up with what you care about. That tends to make life feel more meaningful and vital, even when it isn't easy.

Values and stress

In a series of studies on "values affirmation," people who spent a few minutes writing about their most important values before a stressful task showed lower stress responses and, in some studies, performed better. A tough week feels different when you can see it serves something you value.

Values and decisions

"Which option fits what I care about?" cuts through a surprising amount of confusion, from career moves to how to spend a Saturday.

Values and boundaries

Saying no gets easier when you know what you're protecting. See work-life boundaries.

Values and purpose

Purpose often lives where your values meet action. Our guide to finding your sense of purpose builds on this exercise.

A list of 60 personal values

Read through and notice which words feel important to you:

A 20-minute core values exercise

Grab a pen and paper.

Step 1: Circle what resonates

Read the list above and write down every word that feels important to you. Add your own. Don't overthink it. Go with your gut.

Step 2: Narrow it to ten

Cross out anything that's nice but not essential.

Step 3: Group similar values

"Honesty," "integrity" and "authenticity" might belong together. Pick the word that feels most like you for each group.

Step 4: Narrow it to five

This is the hard part. Ask, "If I had to give this one up, would it really hurt?" Some people find it helps to imagine having to choose between two values in a real situation.

Step 5: Define each one in your own words

"Family" might mean daily dinners together to one person and a weekly phone call to another. Write a sentence for each:

"Health, to me, means having the energy to play with my kids and travel when I'm older."
"Learning means always having something new I'm curious about."

Step 6: Rate how you're living them

From 1 to 10, how much does your life right now reflect each value? Gaps aren't failures. They're information, and they show you where small changes could make a big difference.

Other ways to discover your values

If the list feels abstract, try these:

Peak moments: think of times you felt most proud, fulfilled or alive. What values were you living?
Anger and frustration: what makes you furious? Often it's a value being stepped on, like fairness or respect.
Your heroes: who do you admire, and why? The qualities you admire often reflect your values.
Your 80th birthday: imagine the speeches at your 80th birthday party. What would you love people to say about you?
Your money and calendar: where do your time and money actually go? It can be an eye-opening (and sometimes uncomfortable) reality check.

Turning values into action

For each value with a big gap, pick one small action for this week:

Friendship (rated 4): text two friends to set up a coffee.
Health (rated 5): walk after dinner three times.
Learning (rated 3): read 10 pages a day. See how to read more.
Peace (rated 4): no phone for the first 20 minutes after waking.
Generosity (rated 5): sign up for one volunteer shift.
Adventure (rated 2): try one new place or activity this weekend.

Small, specific and doable. That's how values go from words on paper to a life that feels like yours.

Open notebook with pen and pencils on desk — Photo: @claybanks on Unsplash

Using values to make hard decisions

When you're stuck between options, try this:

Write down your top five values.
For each option, rate how well it fits each value from 1 to 5.
Notice which option serves your most important values, not just the most values.
Check your gut. If the "winning" option still feels wrong, ask what value you might have missed.

Living your values: real-life examples

Values come alive in small, everyday choices. Here's what living some common values might look like:

Family: putting phones away at dinner, calling your parents on Sundays, showing up to the school play.
Health: cooking at home most nights, walking at lunch, going to bed on time.
Honesty: admitting a mistake at work, telling a friend gently that you're hurt.
Generosity: tipping well, donating to causes you care about, sharing your time and skills.
Courage: speaking up in a meeting, trying something new, having a difficult conversation.
Learning: taking a class, reading before bed, asking questions instead of pretending to know.
Nature: spending time outdoors every week, gardening, reducing waste.
Peace: saying no to over-commitment, creating quiet time, letting go of grudges.

Notice that none of these require big, dramatic changes. Values are lived in the details.

Teaching values to children

Kids learn values far more from what we do than what we say. Talk openly about why your family makes certain choices ("We're helping Grandma because we take care of each other"), notice and praise kind or honest actions, and let older kids do their own simple values exercise. It's a wonderful conversation starter.

When values conflict

Sometimes values pull in opposite directions: career ambition versus family time, honesty versus kindness, adventure versus security. That's normal. There's rarely a perfect answer. It can help to ask which value matters most in this particular situation and season of life, and to look for creative ways to honor both.

Revisit your values

Values can shift with life stages. A new parent, a retiree and a college student often rank things very differently. Look at your list every six months or so, at the new year, or whenever a big decision comes up.

Frequently asked questions about core values

How many core values should I have?

Most exercises aim for three to five. Fewer makes them easier to remember and use.

Can your core values change?

Yes. Your deepest values tend to be fairly stable, but how you rank and express them often changes over time.

Couples don't need identical values, but sharing a few core ones, like honesty, family or respect, makes life together smoother. Talking about your values openly is a great way to understand each other better.

What's the difference between values and beliefs?

Beliefs are things you think are true. Values are what you think is important and how you want to act.

Values and the wellness wheel go together. Take our free quiz and see where your life lines up with what you care about.