How to Make Friends as an Adult: How Many Hours It Takes and Where to Meet People

In school, friends just sort of happened. You sat next to the same people six hours a day, five days a week, for years. You were thrown together on teams, in classes, on the bus. Friendship was practically built into the timetable.

As an adult, nobody hands you that. You move for work, your old friends get busy with kids or new jobs, and suddenly you realize it's been months since you saw anyone outside of work or family. If you've found it hard to make friends as a grown-up, please hear this: it's not you. It's the math. And once you understand the math, it gets much easier.

The friendship recession: you're not alone

If your circle has shrunk, you're in very big company. In a 2021 survey by the American Perspectives Survey, 12% of Americans said they had no close friends at all, up from just 3% in 1990. The share of people with ten or more close friends dropped sharply over the same period. Men were especially affected, with 15% reporting no close friends.

Writers have started calling this the "friendship recession." And it's one reason social wellness is having a big moment, from booming run clubs to friendship apps and dinners with strangers.

How many hours does it take to make a friend?

In a 2018 study, communication researcher Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas looked at how much time people spent together as they went from strangers to friends. His estimates:

• About 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend
• About 90 hours to become a real friend
• More than 200 hours to become a close friend

That's a lot of time. It also explains why work friends, teammates and neighbors so often become friends: the hours stack up without anyone planning it.

Hall also found that how you spend the time matters. Hanging out, joking around and catching up on each other's lives helped build friendship more than time spent just working side by side. So a coffee break chat counts for more than sitting next to someone at a desk all day.

Why making friends as an adult is harder

• Fewer built-in places where you see the same people over and over
• Busy schedules with work, kids and caregiving
• People move more for jobs and housing
• Life transitions like a new job, a move, marriage, divorce, a new baby or retirement often quietly end friendships
• Remote work means fewer casual chats with coworkers
• Pride and fear. Many adults feel awkward admitting they want new friends

None of that means you can't make friends. It means you have to make room for it on purpose.

The three ingredients of friendship

Sociologists have long pointed to three conditions that help friendships form:

1. Proximity: being physically near each other
2. Repeated, unplanned interaction: bumping into each other again and again
3. A setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other

School and college offer all three. As an adult, you have to recreate them.

Where to meet people as an adult

The best places share two things: you see the same people regularly, and there's something to do together.

Activity-based groups

• Run clubs and walking groups. One of the biggest social trends of the decade. Google searches for "run club" have roughly tripled in five years, and many clubs end with coffee or a drink. Most welcome all paces.
• Pickleball, tennis and rec sports leagues. Adult recreation and sport clubs made the American College of Sports Medicine's top fitness trends list for the first time in 2026, largely because people want social connection with their exercise.
• Climbing gyms, yoga studios and dance classes

Learning and creative groups

• Cooking, pottery, painting, language or photography classes
• Book clubs (libraries often host free ones)
• Community choirs and theater groups
• Board game or trivia nights

Community and purpose

• Volunteering for a cause you care about (see volunteering and wellbeing)
• Faith communities
• Community gardens
• Neighborhood associations and local events

Everyday places

• A dog park at the same time each day
• The same coffee shop, gym class or café regularly
• Coworking spaces if you work remotely

One-off events are fine, but repeated contact is what builds friendship. Commit to going at least four or five times before you decide whether a group is for you.

Do friendship apps work?

Apps like Bumble BFF and others designed for platonic friendship are growing fast, along with services that match strangers for group dinners. They can work well, especially if you've just moved somewhere new. Treat them as a way to start, then move quickly from chatting to meeting in person, ideally for something easy like coffee or a walk.

How to turn an acquaintance into a friend

This is where most people stall. You see someone every week and like them, but it never goes further. Here's how to take the next step:

• Suggest something small and specific. "Want to grab coffee after class next Tuesday?" works much better than "We should hang out sometime."
• Follow up. Get a number. Send a link to something you talked about. Remember details, like their dog's name or their job interview, and ask about them next time.
• Be the one who invites. Most people are waiting for someone else to do it. Research on the liking gap, led by Erica Boothby, found people consistently underestimate how much others enjoyed talking to them after a conversation.
• Open up a little. Friendships deepen through gradual, mutual sharing. You don't need to overshare, but letting people see more of you invites them to do the same.
• Expect some no's. Busy doesn't always mean uninterested. Suggest another time.
• Assume people like you. Psychologists call it the "acceptance prophecy." When people expect to be accepted, they tend to act warmer, and others respond in kind.

How to keep the friends you already have

It's often easier to deepen an existing friendship than start a new one.

• Reach out to an old friend you've lost touch with. Research shows people appreciate being contacted more than we expect.
• Make a standing plan: Tuesday walks, a monthly dinner, a weekly call. Routines take the effort out of scheduling.
• Small check-ins count. A quick "saw this and thought of you" keeps the thread alive.
• Show up in hard times. Bring food, send a card, sit with someone. These moments build deep bonds.
• Celebrate their wins. Being genuinely happy for friends' good news strengthens relationships.

How to be the kind of friend people want to keep

Making friends is half the story. The other half is being someone people love spending time with. A few habits go a long way:

• Be reliable. Show up when you say you will, and reply to messages.
• Ask questions and remember the answers.
• Keep confidences.
• Offer help without being asked, especially during tough times.
• Be honest but kind.
• Make it easy to spend time with you. Suggest plans, pick a place, handle the booking.

Making friends in your 30s, 40s and 50s

Each life stage has its own challenges:

• In your 30s, work and young kids eat time. Combine things: walks with a friend, playground meetups, family dinners together.
• In your 40s, you may have more stability but less energy. Prioritize a few quality friendships and protect regular time for them.
• In your 50s and beyond, empty nests and retirement can free up time, but also remove built-in social structures. It's a great time to join clubs, classes and volunteer groups.

What if you have social anxiety?

Making friends can feel especially daunting if you have social anxiety. Start with structured activities where there's something to focus on besides conversation, like a class or volunteering. Prepare a few easy questions. And remember the liking gap: people probably like you more than you think. If anxiety is holding you back a lot, therapy (especially CBT) is very effective.

Be patient with yourself

Making friends as an adult takes months, not weeks. Keep showing up. If loneliness is weighing on you, you're far from alone, and our post on loneliness and health has more ideas.

Frequently asked questions about making friends as an adult

Is it normal to have no friends as an adult?

It's more common than people admit, but it isn't something you have to accept. Friendships can be built at any age.

How many friends do you need?

There's no magic number. Research suggests a few close, supportive relationships matter more for wellbeing than a large network.

How do I make friends after moving to a new city?

Say yes to invitations, join one or two regular activities quickly, use friendship apps, get to know neighbors and be patient through the first few lonely months.

Friendship is the heart of social wellness. See how it stacks up against the rest of your life with our free wellness wheel quiz.